Resting in Self

I hope you didn't come here to hear me talk. That's the worst reason you can have for coming here. Satsang is not talk. Satsang means being, being with the self. Not myself, or yourself, but the one self. Therefore when you come to satsang you are with the self, or you are with God, God again being yourself. There is no usual talking going on in satsang, only a few questions. Everyone usually sits around doing what they do. But no matter what I say everybody stares at me to make something happen. You want to hear a talk. So I'll talk a little. I aim to please.

A question I'm commonly asked over the telephone or in person is this, "Robert, how do you see the world?" How am I supposed to see the world? Someone tells me, "I know you see consciousness, you don't see us." If I didn't see you I wouldn't be able to function. Of course I see you. Someone else tells me, "He sees bright lights and sacred images." Again, if I saw bright lights and sacred images I'd get run over by a truck. I see exactly what you see, nothing. The only difference is this. I look at the world and I laugh, for I realize I don't know, or I don't think.

I realize that the world is none other than myself. The world is consciousness. It is not the world as it appears, but it's still a superimposition. Therefore a sage sees the world but realizes the world is Brahman, and is only an appearance, whereas most people look at the world and they identify with the world. Therefore they have fears, frustrations, pains, arguments, wars, man's inhumanity to man. Only because they identify with the world.

A good example of this is the example we always talk about, the snake and the rope. That's unconditioned superimposition, where you see the snake and you become frightened because the light is dim. But when you make the light bright again you know it's a rope, and that rope can never fool you again. Whenever you walk by the rope you know it's a rope and it's not a snake, the snake being the world and the rope being consciousness.

But then someone says, "That's a good example, but when I see the world it doesn't change for me, like it changes for you when you turn on the light and you see it's really a rope. The world remains the same to me whether it's dark or light or whatever. How do you explain that?"

So again the answer is this. You are seeing the world like water in the mirage. The water doesn't change, but when you first see the water in the mirage you try to grab it and you grab sand. After that you know it's a mirage but it always appears as the water. It doesn't change like the rope to the snake. You always see the water. Only you don't react to it any longer. When you walk by the spot where the water is in the mirage, you laugh, for you realize the water is not real. And so the sage sees the world exactly the same way. The world no longer fools the sage. It's like water in the mirage. He partakes of the world, but doesn't get fooled by the world. The world has no interest for him. For the identification is with the self, with consciousness.

Then a pundit comes over and says, "Well, those are good examples Robert, only look at it this way. When I'm in the world I can grab you, I can grab the lamppost, I can drive a car and I can feel things, whereas with your example of the water in the mirage, you cannot feel the water, because it doesn't exist ? How do you explain that?"

So I guess I have to go to the dream world. In the dream world you are born, you grow up, you go to school, you become a doctor, and you get married, you have children, you get old and you die. Only you were a dream baby being born. And you’re dream baby who is growing up to be a teenager. You're a dream doctor, and a dream person gets married. And you marry a dream girl and you have dream children. And you get old and you die. It's all going on in the dream.

So you see, instead of asking all these stupid questions, and you can go on and on and on, self-enquiry is the easiest and fastest way to cut through all the rigmarole and find out the truth for yourself. Because what difference does it make what I see? What difference does it make how I see things? Why should you believe me about a dream world, about water in the mirage, about the snake in the rope?

"Those are all great examples but I can't feel that," you say. "I'm identified with the world and I hurt because the world affects me," you say. "Things affect me. When I see man's inhumanity to man, I cry. When I see a funny movie, I laugh. When I get what I want out of life, I'm happy. When I don't, I'm sad. Therefore these examples and all these things you talk to me about, don't do me any good."

Now that's an intelligent observation. You should not accept book learning at face value. You should not accept anyone's experiences at face value. You should develop your own truth. I can tell you the world is Brahman, and that Brahman is absolute reality. Absolute reality is pure awareness, and so forth and so on. What good does that do you if you're hurting? There's things come into your life that you take very seriously. And you don't understand that your social body is going through its karma, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You identify with the conditioning.

That's the first truth you have to admit to yourself. Do not try to psyche yourself out by remembering all these great truths. That's not going to do it for you. You and I know many people who have memorized books by Nisargadatta, Ramana Maharshi and by others, and who can recite these books backward and frontwards. But the first person who bumps into them, they become angry. As soon as they hear they are going to lose their job, they start crying and they get worried. It appears that books are doing them good only when things are going their way. Then they can quote from the books. But as soon as their world tumbles down on them they throw the books away, and they do not believe a word they read, until things start improving. Then they buy more books. Then something happens to them, and they fling the book across the room and say, "This is nonsense." But then it gets better again, and they go out and buy another book. And it goes on like this and on like this. I'm probably talking about some of you.

When will you grow up? It is only what you experience that matters to you. It's not what you read. So what if you learn a truth you haven't learned before? So what if you say this teacher expresses it this way and now I know it from this angle and that angle? I must remind you again, knowing truth intellectually does absolutely nothing for you. You might as well take LSD, because you only get psyched up. Then again as soon as something comes your way that you don't like, you become an imbecile, angry, mad, upset.

You want to know if you're making progress on the path? When was the last time you got angry? When was the last time that something mattered to you? When was the last time you thought the world was hurting you? When was the last time you became over-elated over something good that happened to you? That shows you you're still in possession of your human faculties. You have not transcended.

You cannot escape in a book. Many people, when they are upset and they don't want to think, will turn on the TV. But people on the spiritual path will open a spiritual book. It's like turning on the TV except you are memorizing spiritual truths. I won't say that that's not any better than TV. Of course it's better than watching TV. But all the same, you can do that for a 1000 years and you hardly make any progress.

How do you make progress? By using books for reference only. By practicing the methods I share with you. By practicing self-enquiry. By watching as you go through life's experiences and not reacting. Watch yourself become depressed. Watch yourself become angry. Do not deny it, but observe it. And if you observe yourself correctly in that calm way, you can ask yourself, "Who becomes angry? Who is feeling depressed?" and follow it through. Do this over and over and over again, as many times as you have to. One day the anger will leave you, the depressions will leave you, your thoughts will leave you. And you'll just be.

Until that happens do not fool yourself. Maya is very powerful. Maya is apparent reality of the world. As long as you believe you are the body, then the world is going to be very real to you. This is why you work on yourself first. Remember your body, as well as all the universe, is a manifestation of your mind. Therefore when the mind begins to dissolve, so does your body, and so does the universe. Also remember when everything dissolves you do not see consciousness. As I mentioned in the beginning, you do not walk around and see empty space. One person even told me he read in a book somewhere that a sage walks around in a fog and sees fog-like people. Where do they get these ideas from?

I remind you again. The only difference between the sage and yourself is you see the world and you identify with it. You think it's real. A sage sees the world and he knows its a superimposition upon consciousness. So he identifies with consciousness. Consciousness is not a thing. You cannot describe it. It is not the opposite of the world, and it's not an object, and there is no seer to see it. Consciousness is another word for being. Being what? Being no-thing.

Now we go beyond the realm of creation, where it becomes ineffable and indescribable. That's why we can only explain to you what consciousness is not. Consciousness is not the world. Consciousness is self-contained, absolute reality. It is yourself when you do not identify with the world, and that only happens to the average person just as they are falling asleep and just as they wake up. At that time you are consciousness. But the feeling leaves you almost immediately. You begin to identify with the world. You forget about reality.

The method to remember is to catch yourself all during the day. "Who believes this? To whom does this come? Who feels this?" over and over again. When you say, "Who am I?" for some people it is better to say, "Who is I?", the same thing. What you are really doing is you're finding the source of the I. You're looking for the source of I, the personal I. Who am I? You're always talking about the personal I. Who is this I? Where did it come from? Who gave it birth? Never answer those questions. Pose those questions, but never answer them. Keep it up. Don't give up. Do not look for results. Because it's your true nature, sooner or later the results must presume themselves, but it comes without your help. You cannot help God. God does not need your help. Just be yourself.

It's difficult to be totally honest with yourself, yet this is exactly what you have to do. Forget about being a Jnani, or enlightened, or having self-realization. I get too many calls like that. People are calling me from all over the world telling me that they are self-realized. So now I just say, "Good, what do you want me to do?" They want the confirmation. So I was thinking of printing certificates, and mailing them out. This is to inform you that you are now self-realized. Congratulations.

Forget about those things. Don't even desire it. Just do the work and you'll be surprised. The more you want it, the more it eludes you. And that's natural, because you're chasing after yourself. You're trying to catch yourself when you're already caught. So the more you chase yourself, the faster you are going to run away from yourself. Stop doing that.

It's simplicity itself. There is really nothing intellectual about it. You don't have to know certain words or certain phraseologies. You don't have to memorize certain text. You simply have to remember the I. Abide in the I. That's all you have to do. Abide in the I. Hold on to the I. Everything is attached to the I, your body, the world, the universe. When you discover the source of I, everything else will go with it, into the ocean of bliss. Bliss is a natural outcome of your search. When you stop searching and you calm down, and you put your books away, and you confront yourself and see what you are all about, that will bring it faster than anything else, than you can ever imagine, or ever do.

It's not in chanting mantras. It's not in being a good guy or a bad guy. It's not by doing penance. It's simply by observing your I. Abiding in the I. "Where did I come from?" When you say that you're not saying where did my body come from? You're saying where did I come from? I. I is separate from your body. Your body is attached to I. The I is not your body. I is separate from the world, but the world is attached to I. God is separate from the world, but God is attached to I. Therefore when you ask, "Where did I come from?" something happens to your mind. Your mind becomes weaker and weaker. And when your mind becomes weaker and weaker, the I begins to expand and becomes all pervading. Then the I becomes another word for the self and you begin to realize I is none other than the self. I am that. You become free. It isn't hard and it isn't easy. It just is.

Think about yourself for a moment. Watch what thoughts come to you when you think about yourself. Some of you are saying, "I'm hungry." Some of you are thinking of your needs. As soon as you think about yourself, you think about your body. But your self is not your body. Your body is only a heap of rotten flesh, but that's not you. You are I. I am. I am not this and not that. I am. There's nothing else. Nothing else exists but I am. There is nothing to say about it. There are no speeches to make about I am. There is only I am. When you say, "I am" to yourself, what happens? Isn't there a quietness that comes over you, a stillness, because another name for I am is silence.

S: When you talk to us [you say] "you don't have to believe me, you don't have to take my word." But belief, I think, is very important, in the words and in the teacher, because there has to be trust to accept the validity of the teachings, in the method of the teacher as well as on the general instructions he gives, one has to ponder.

R: I hear you, that's a good point. I'm referring to those seekers who have been around from teacher to teacher, and they just accept everything the teacher tells them without investigation. The way it should be done is, if I say something, you should investigate it thoroughly within yourself to see if it has any validity. Do not just accept anything I say on blind faith, but intelligently. Look at what I say. Feel it within yourself. Investigate it deep within yourself, and if it's real, something will tell you, and you will feel something. You will feel love for the teacher. That will come as a result of investigation. So I'm really speaking to all the seekers who run from one teacher to the next and they believe anything. If the teacher tells them flying saucers landed they just believe that without investigation. So don't just accept that on blind faith. Confirm it within yourself. Your heart will tell you if it's real or not, and you'll know. Always listen to your heart.

S: What does that mean, "Listen to the heart?"

R: It means your heart is your real self and it will never lie to you. If you tune in correctly to your heart center your real self will advise you, and tell you if your teacher is good for you or not, will advise you and inform you of everything you need to know. Your heart is the self, God.

S: I'm very confused with my mind and my heart.

R: Well you know, the mind is nothing. The mind is only a bunch of thoughts. Thoughts about the past and the future, that's all a mind is. But the heart is a center of stillness, of quietness, of absolute peace. When you rest your mind in your heart you feel a joy and a bliss that overwhelms you, and you'll know. Surrender your mind to your heart and you'll feel it.

S: Will the other…, belief and stuff like that…, is that if someone believes in the saying or book ... that when they feel peace, joy, happiness and have attained this or that, and that's the stuff that shouldn't be believed or accepted because you want to experience the truth.

R: If you're really going to your heart it goes beyond belief. The true heart is the self. It cannot fool you. The mind will fool you. But a true surrender of the mind into the heart center, you will actually feel a bliss and a joy that you never felt before.

S: Well, that's what I mean in reference to believing the teacher explaining something.

R: In this day and age there are many teachers, but few disciples. Most people do not want to do anything, but they want to become a teacher. The world is filled with teachers. It is up to you to use your own discernment and find out who the true teacher is.

S: In reference to that, isn't it true it's really not an external teacher that’s really where the unfoldment happens ....

R: The true teacher is within yourself, and if you're true to yourself, your teacher from within you will lead you to the teacher without, and you'll both be one, and you'll know it.

S: But even beyond that, whatever I had, have, experienced, I realize very clearly it has nothing to do with the teacher that I've already found and studied ... it's always ... the self.

It has nothing to do, when it comes right down to it, it has nothing to do with outside teachers.

R: The teacher is also a catalyst…

S: Yes, maybe.

R: …for you to find yourself.

S: Robert, when you were talking about books and how much progress you've made on the path. A lot of teachers and books talk about theory but not much emphasis is really put on practice. In fact, if you look at many books, they go into all of the different theories and how one thing relates to another, and this and that. But not too much of any book really goes into actual practice of what they're talking about. It's why, like I put this little thing together on vichara practice, and when you said how much progress we've really made. Really, we can't know how much progress we've made because progress can be a very dubious thing. On one sense you're making progress you may be aware of it. On another sense you may not be aware of it. On one hand things may seem to get better and you may have a better understanding. On another sense, things may seem to get intense, and you can't tell how far you've come until it's all over.

R: As you go through the vicissitudes of life, what you're saying is true. But if you abide in the I your problems of the world do not affect you as bad, and you will appear to sail through life easier if you abide in the I.

S: But as you said, sometimes things intensify.

R: Things intensify, but to whom do they intensify to? You abide in the I and you watch all these things you're going through. You'll find that you're not affected as you used to be. They're not as meaningful any longer. It's like being in a fire and you don't get burned as hard, because you're abiding in the I.

S: Sometimes though you may be doing that and be unaware. You may think of yourself as being the same when actually you can't tell.

R: Sometimes you can’t tell. But if you abide in the I, again you'll not be affected by those things and you'll watch those things come and go. You will rise higher by observing and not reacting. Therefore the safe thing to do is to always abide in the I.

S: And also actually effort can only take you so far.

R: True.

S: You can't will yourself into self-realization. You can only go so far again and after a certain point you become pulled into it. And isn't that the goal of the guru?

R: You don't even get pulled into it. You simply awaken to yourself. And the guru is a catalyst for that to happen.

S: Well the impression I'm trying to give is that it's not necessarily done with effort and intention. It's more a matter of letting go then, a matter of effort can only take you so far.

R: Yes, true.

S: Sometimes it's that intense effort before you let go to realize how simple it is ...

R: You wonder why you use effort to begin with.

S: I think it has a valid place.

S2: I think it has a very valid place. It builds up such intensity that one can awaken, and then when you awaken, you realize how simple it is.

R: But remember for whom the effort is. It is the ego that uses effort. It's much better to observe the ego than to resist it.

S: I understand that effort because that's a spiritual practice.

R: You observe the ego effortlessly.

S: Well what you were talking about, one can reflect back and seeing when was the last time one got angry and felt out of sorts, when one can't even remember those things that would happen, then what can you use as a gauge?

R: You simply watch yourself the way you react to conditions. And see how much you react to given conditions that affect you. Are you still reacting as you always did? You notice how quiet your mind is, that your mind doesn't move so far any more. It doesn't go out so far. It stays still. And everything is happening around you, but not to you. Again you become the observer of all of the things of life going on. You watch but you don't react.

S: Is that what you mean by abide in the I?

R: Not really. Abiding in the I is holding on to the I, by enquiring, "To whom does this come? It comes to me. I feel it. Then who am I?" That's abiding in the I.

S: When you ask who am I, then the silence comes?

R: The silence doesn't come, because the silence already is.

S: Your awareness of silence appears.

R: You simply become still when you ask, "Who am I?"

S: Abiding in the I, is that the silence you abide in?

R: You abide in the I by asking, "Who am I?" Holding on to the I is abidance in the I.

S: I don't still know what you mean by holding on to the I.

R: You become aware of the I by asking, "Who am I?" over and over again. "Who is this I? Where does it come from? Who am I? Who am I?"

S: That sounds more like questioning the I rather than living in the I.

R: It's the same thing. That's the way you abide in the I. It's the only way.

S: Once, when I used to do that, what would happen is, I'd follow the I and it would go somewhere and it would seem like it would go into the heart. And once it went there, it dissolved whatever it was attached to. As I was working with it, it dissolved, everything dissolved in that place, and that's when I thought I was abiding in the I. At that point I followed it, and it took time. But it seemed like it went into the heart and then everything dissolved in that place and that's when I thought I was abiding in the I.

S2: And that would seem like abiding in the self?

S: Yes, is there a difference?

R: How did you abide in the I? How did you follow it?

S: I asked, let's see, what did I do? "To whom does this come? To me, to I," and I grabbed hold of that I and I followed it, and there was something to follow. If I do it now, there's nothing to follow but when I was doing it.

R: What was the thing you followed?

S: Where is the source of the I. And it was nothing that, it was a sense of following it, it wasn't it had nothing to do with anything.

R: That's right. You don't actually follow the I. You pose the question, "To whom does this come? To I."

S: And you quicken to a sense of following it into a space where everything dissolves in the end.

R: It happens by itself.

S: Yes. But as for me, it was a sense of actually following, even though there was no other traceable means of following it at all.

S2: What is the difference between abiding in the I and abiding in the self?

R: When you abide in the I you're abiding in the ego. The I is really the ego, the small I. It turns into the self eventually. So when you abide in the I, you abide in the self, because there is only one I. This small I turns into the self. Eventually only the self exists, but in the beginning it appears like the I. And as you continue holding on by asking the question, "Who am I?" It turns into the self, into I am.

S: So, it's pretty clear.

R: As clear as mud.

S: So Robert, all the questions and all the answers are also part of maya. Maya can never be broken up intellectually.

R: No.

S: The only valid thing is to practice to follow the teaching of the teacher, the method he advises. And that's it. Questions, answers, discussions are out of the question.

R: You're right. Maya cannot be broken up intellectually, because it never existed. It doesn't exist. There is no maya. Once you realize that, you're awakened to your true self.

S: So all the instructions, the questioning, the answering, all of that is part of maya too.

R: It's all a waste of time. But you have to do something.

S: Yes, that's what I mean. Follow the teaching, and the teaching of the teacher, as a practice, the practice. Follow the practice.

R: If you do that you'll be O.K. But the teaching is only to show you that there are no teachings. You simply awaken. And then you know you've always been awake. There never was a time when you were not. None of this exists. If you have a quiet mind, you're safe. But if your mind is always thinking, thinking, thinking, looking for new methods, looking for new teachers, looking for new this, and new books, new this and new that, then you've got a problem. Be still and know that I am God.

S: I would have said it another way, Robert, what I'm looking for is what I'm looking with.

R: What you're looking for you're looking with?

S: Yes.

R: Well, if you want to say it, that's good.

S: The hardest part, who am I, that's right.

R: If it makes you happy.

S: Robert said all you have to do is be still, be quiet. But it seems as though to find that stillness, that quietness, there's a battle with the mind.

R: To whom? To whom does it appear that way?

S: Well, when you do self-enquiry, if you're quiet for a moment, then the mind comes back up. And then you do a self-enquiry again, you're quiet again, and the mind comes back up.

R: O.K.

S: Well, that's the battle.

R: This is really no battle if you ask "to whom does it come?"

S: Well, that's your weapon.

R: So use your weapon to win the battle.

S: Well, that's my point is that it is a battle. It's not so much "just be quiet". On the one hand it takes that effort, it takes the ...

R: I understand what you mean. But as long as you talk yourself into a battle, you're going to have a battle on your hands.

S: Well it seems as though if you ignore the battle, you'll have the battle. So when the battle is inevitable, but you can choose the battlefield.

R: On the contrary if you become indifferent and just watch, your mind will actually slow down by itself. Don't get involved. Watch. Be still. And there will be no battle.

S: Isn't part of the illusion that there is some quiet or silence that one's going to attain because there is certainly no quiet or silence ... it really doesn't have anything to do.

R: Quiet and silence is your real nature.

S: Yes, but no it's not.

R: Silence and quiet.

S: I mean, I understand what you're saying and I agree, but it still has nothing to do with silence and quietness.

R: That's because you're making noises right now. You refuse to keep silent.

S: It's true, that's what I feel about you too Robert.

R: I'm not really talking.

S: Well if you were to witness and that becomes effortless and the mind becomes quiet, that's very understandable. But if you're doing vichara, that is like an effort.

R: Vichara is really done to quiet the mind, and if you look at it as an effort, it becomes an effort. Try not to have any thoughts for or against. Just do it in a peaceful way and watch what happens. But don't tell yourself it's a battle, it's an effort, or it's hard. Make it simple. Observe, watch, ask in a simple way, and everything will take care of itself.

S: You discourage reading or watching TV. Is there some kind of activity that can we do?

S2: Vichara.

R: It depends on your maturity. Everybody is different. I'm not saying you shouldn't involve yourself in the world. Just do not react in anything you do. If you want to watch TV sometimes, that's OK. But if you're going to react to it and identify with it, don't watch it at all. Simply observe yourself and the things that you react to, and try to keep away from the things that you react to. Make your life simple and comfortable.

S: And do plenty of silence.

R: If you don't react to conditioning then you're always in the silence. You can be in the market place, you can be anywhere, if you don't react, you're always in the silence. You can also be in a cave, but if you have not learned to control your mind, your mind will drive you crazy, do all kinds of thoughts. Therefore it makes no difference where you are. It's how you react where you are, that counts.